Creative Researcher Of New Experiences

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I'm up on my soapbox - Long rant possible.

Lack of manners in America is no longer whether you confuse the salad fork for the dinner fork - or the fact that you tuck your napkin under chin while all the other guest place it gently across their knees.

It is a reported fact that we are assaulted on a daily basis by selfish, inconsiderate behavior be it at home, on the road, in the office, the shopping mall or the grocery store.

There is the little old lady who walks up to the counter - were a long line of shoppers are waiting to check out - causing a rather pathetic scene that she needs to be assisted first - because she is old and all the younger shoppers can just wait. -
The driver who cuts you off and almost puts you in a ditch, because he obviously needs to get somewhere faster than you do.

We have all dealt with one or more of these rude people and they seem to be multiplying like rabbits.

A rude congressman yelling out and calling the president a liar as he discusses his health care bill. - A singer walking up on a stage - grabbing a mike and telling the current winner and the audience that someone else deserved the award more.

Come on people we need to climb out of our apathy and stop letting these rude people bully us into silence.
Maybe what they had to say was correct but did they have to be rude?

In my example of the little old lady above - all the other shoppers waiting in the line to get checked out - stare in disbelief - but none says a word for fear of appearing just as rude as the lady herself. She gets waited on first and walks out - knowing that she can use that technique again and again because -we the other shoppers validated her rude behavior by our silence.

Why am I standing here on my soap box you ask?


I believe that the anonymity that the computer provides us, has on occasion turned good people into bullies.
Good, Kind People who probably would never let a friend they know on a face to face personal basis - sit in restaurant waiting for them - especially if they knew they may never arrive. I’m sure they would try to make contact with that friend or acquaintance and let them know what is going on in her life and reschedule or tell her friend she will reschedule later when things settle down.

So why not extend the same common courtesy to that person who, may only be a faceless name - but is still a living breathing person with their own problems, insecurities, illnesses or whatnot. Contact them - tell them Life got in the way and that you both need to change course - reassess and reschedule. That faceless name is certainly not a mind reader, they won’t know of any problems unless you tell them what’s going on and would probably be more than happy to mutually either call off or reassess any plans that were in the works.

So why the soapbox? Your still scratching your head and wondering.

Well my Post Last Thursday - seems to have caused quite a stir.

I feel a need to preface this part on the conversation by saying I have two e-mails from this partner prior to the final send out date and never once did she indicate she had personal problems that would make it impossible for her to meet her obligations in the ATC swap. So why would I think it was anything more than her slighting me?

I thought very long and very hard about how to express my disappointment without hurting anyone’s feelings. I wrote and rewrote that post till - I felt that I had reach a good balance - sharing my feelings - without defaming anothers.

But I guess I failed to do that.

The partner whom I left nameless and blogless in the context of my post, felt a need to leave me a comment vilifying me for not understanding her life situation, or being aware of how many times she traded and never received anything and then proceeded to inform me that my feelings must be much too delicate to handle the normal rough and tumble happening of life if this upset me. The comment wasn’t really a problem - if she finally wanted to open true communication with me - that would have been fine with me. I was ready.

But what I was not ready for was that upon leaving my blog she then proceed to head out and visit any of my visitors - who left a comment supporting me in my plight - introduced herself and tried to place them on a guilt trip for what they might have said. They were innocent bystanders in this whole mess. Why make them feel guilty for anything? She then went to the head of the swap and advised her of the situation.

A Psychologist would call this passive aggressive behavior - but I’m not a psychologist and I say this is what I call rude internet bulling; and I refused to be bullied into silence.

For I truly hope she would never do the same thing to any of her face to face friends who felt that she slighted them for some reason or other.

Now this being said - I will never say another word about this whole sordid affair.

I’m off my soapbox now. So let me leave you with a few Word From Master Shakespeare
Pucks Final speech from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this and all is mended,
That you have but slumber'd here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend.
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call:
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends. [
--William Shakespeare
A Midsummer Night's Dream, Act V, Scene 1


Tracy said...

Good for you! I am in total agreement that individuals hide behind the computer/e-mail/internet to say what they don't have the nerve to say fact to face. I also think that manners of this generation has gone to the dogs. My husband and I are both sticklers in demanding our son use the utmost best manners to EVERYONE and he does! We are often congratulated on what a nice sweet mannerly boy he is~ and he is, but that should be out of the ordinary; it should be the 'norm' I demand my students also use manners regardless if their parents require them to use them.
sorry, now I'll get off my soapbox!!

Brian said...

Sometimes a little soapboxing gets it all cleared out so you can move on. I've always tried to be nice to everyone, life is easier when your nice and you have lots of reasons to smile!