Sunday, April 5, 2009
Last year while sitting under the pine tree in my yard, I felt the cool breeze of autumn stirring and to my surprise it brought with it a stirring in my heart. Very faint at first, but as seconds turned into minutes and minutes into hours it grew into a full fledged idea, desire, quest; something I just had to do, no matter what it took. I had to find her, she had been gone to long and I crave her company once more - I need her quiet reassuring way to guide me.
You see sometime back - without even saying good-bye she just took off to parts unknown, Undoubtedly feeling alone and unappreciated she just crept out of my life thinking I’d never even notice . Oh but I did notice! Yes, I noticed; but I was sooooo busy. I was a single mom, a nurse, and then a grandmother and a care giving daughter, a love interest to an assortment of fellows at different times(only one at a time mind you). Then an adjunct instructor at a local college, which led to a full time position on the teaching staff. Not to long after that I found my Knight in Shining armor and there was courtship and marriage, our jobs, my mothers passing and then the passing of my mother -in-law. I was a busy, busy person, so every time thoughts of her entered my mind; I just pushed them far back into the shadows. It was she who left me - not the other way around. Right?
Then my really active life - hit a bit of a snag - I got fibromyalgia. Retirement from the work a day world has been a bit overwhelming for me. With no responsibilities pressing on me ; I found myself adrift in a sea of time. I putter around, yet it never seems like I accomplish as much as I would like.
That my dear reader was the frame of mind I was in that pleasant fall afternoon as I sat under that pine tree pondering what the future may have in store for me.
Imagine my husbands trepidations when I came into the house- telling myself over and over again- “I have to find her - I just have to.” In that moment he must have thought I had taken to many pain killers and was hallucinating. “Who’s lost? Who do you have to find?” he says. I look at him incredulously “she’s gone, she left a long time before I ever met you. I really need her now. I need to find her.” To whom are you referring to honey?” he says.
By now I’m shuffling through papers, magazines and the last weeks mail; frantically looking for something I hoped would help me in my search. “Princess," he says, "if you will just tell me what your looking for and who’s lost maybe I can help you search." Just then out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. I just hope it’s not too late I’m thinking as I side step around two cats almost tripping as I bend over to pick up the fall catalog for the local college. With prize in hand, I pull myself back up to my full height and looking him square in the eyes I say “My Muse. "Your What?" he says. “My Creative Muse “ I say. “Your muse is lost” he says. “Well not exactly lost, I say but she has been MIA for quite a few years now. I am so tired of being sick and tired, I really need her now. All this free time is driving me crazy. (Yea! I know it’s a short drive. LOL)
I used to be pretty creative when I was younger. I used to write long newsy and entertaining letters to family and friends, but they slowly gave way to short notes in cards on holidays and birthdays, then to crisp almost cipher like notes in e-mail. “
“I used to be really crafty too; with little to no money to spend I passed so many pleasant hours crafting gifts and home décor. My muse was so resourceful, we never really felt as poor as we were. But then she left and I was buying gifts and stuff for the home and its not the same.”
“You don’t like the stuff we bought for the home?” he says, brow raised. “Yes, of course I do - I really do like it but its not the same as making stuff for it. Frou-frou’s and stuff like that, I cry in near panic. Your Just a Knight in shining armor; you could never understand. I mean it’s not like it’s a dragon to slay or a wrong to right or anything like that.
“Try me, he says Whats the catalog for? Let me help.”
So as in any good Tale we sat down with a cup of tea to devise ways to entice my muse out of hiding and maybe even fan her creative spirit.